Та бүхэн дэлхийн шилдэг их дээд сургуулиудад элсэн орохыг хүсдэг бол мэдээж application process-ийн хамгийн чухал хэсэг болох эссэгээ хэрхэн бичих вэ хэмээн толгойгоо гашилган сууж байж магадгүй юм. Тиймээс энэ удаад бид дэлхийн томоохон сургуулиудын нэг болох Харвардын их сургуульд амжилттай тэнцсэн 3 эссэг бэлдсэн байгаа. Энэ эсээнүүдээс санаа аван амжиллтай эссэ бэлдэж дэлхийн топ их сургуулиудад элсэн ороосой хэмээн хүсье.
“Growing Up”I’m short. I’m five foot five – well, five foot six if I want to impress someone. If the average height of American men is five foot ten, that means I’m nearly half a foot shorter than the average Joe out there. And then there are the basketball players.My height has always been something that’s set me apart; it’s helped define me. It’s just that as long as I can remember, I haven’t liked the definition very much. EverySunday in grade school my dad and I would watch ESPN Primetime Football. Playing with friends at home, I always imagined the booming ESPN voice of Chris Berman giving the play-by-play of our street football games. But no matter how well I performed at home with friends, during school recess the stigma of “short kid” stuck with me while choosing teams.
Still concerned as the senior year rolled along, I visited a growth specialist. Pacing the exam room in a shaky, elliptical orbit worried, “What if I’ve stopped growing? Will my social status forever be marked by my shortness?” In a grade school dream, I imagined Chris “ESPN” Berman’s voice as he analyzed the fantastic catch I had made for a touchdown when – with a start – the doctor strode in. damp with nervous sweat, I sat quietly with my mom as he showed us the X-ray taken of my hand. The bones in my seventeen-year-old body had matured. I would not grow anymore.Whoa. I clenched the steering wheel in frustration as I drove home. What good were my grades and “college transcript” achievements when even my friends poked fun of the short kid? What good was it to pray, or to genuinely live a life of love? No matter how many Taekwondo medals I had won, could I ever be considered truly athletic in a wiry, five foot five frame? I could be dark and handsome, but could I ever be the “tall” in “tall, dark and handsome”? All I wanted was someone special to look up into my eyes; all I wanted was someone to ask, “Could you reach that forme?”
It’s been hard to deal with. I haven’t answered all those questions, but I have learned that height isn’t all it’s made out to be. I ‘d rather be a shorter, compassionate person than a tall tyrant. I can be a giant in so many other ways: intellectually, spiritually and emotionally.
I’ve ironically grown taller from being short. It’s enriched my life. Being short has certainly had its advantages. During elementary school in earthquake-prone California for example, my teachers constantly praised my “duck and cover” skills.The school budget was tight and the desks were so small an occasional limb could always be seen sticking out. Yet Chris Shim, “blessed” in height, always managed to squeeze himself into a compact and safe fetal position. The same quality has paid off in hide-and-go-seek. (I’m the unofficial champion on my block.)Lincoln once debated with Senator Stephen A. Douglas – a magnificent orator, nationally recognized as the leader of the Democratic Party of 1858… and barely five feet four inches tall. It seems silly, but standing on the floor of the Senate the last year remembered Senator Douglas and imagined that I would one day debate with a future president. (It helped to have a tall, lanky, bearded man with a stove-top that talk with me that afternoon.) But I could just as easily become an astronaut, if not for my childlike, gaping-mouth-eyes-straining wonderment of the stars, then maybe in the hope of growing a few inches (the spine spontaneously expands in the absence of gravity).
Even at five feet, six inches, the actor Dustin Hoffman held his own against TomeCruise in the movie Rainman and went on to win his second Academy Award for best actor. Michael J. Fox (5’5”) constantly uses taller actors to his comedic advantage.Height has enhanced the athleticism of “Muggsy” Bogues, the shortest player in the history of the NBA at five foot three. He’s used that edge to lead his basketball team in steals (they don’t call him “Muggsy” for nothing). Their height has put no limits to their work in the arts or athletics. Neither will mine.I’m five foot five. I’ve struggled with it at times, but I’ve realized that being five-five can’t stop me from joining the Senate. It won’t stem my dream of becoming an astronaut (I even have the application from NASA). My height can’t prevent me from directing a movie and excelling in Taekwondo (or even basketball). At five foot five I can laugh, jump, run, dance, write, paint, help, volunteer, pray, love and cry.I can break 100 in bowling. I can sing along to Nat King Cole. I can recite AudreyHepburn’s lines from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I can run the mile in under six minutes, dance like a wild monkey and be hopelessly wrapped up in a good book (though I have yet to master the ability to do it all at once). I’ve learned that my height, even as a defining characteristic, is only a part of the whole. It won’t limit me. Besides, this way I’ll never outgrow my favorite sweater.
“Growing Up” follows the form of discussing a physical or character trait, and exploring its impact on one’s life. Shim’s strategy is for the reader to understand his frustrations with his height, a physical characteristic that has played a great role in the way he sees himself among his family, friends, and peers.
This piece works because it is to the point, honest, and straight-forward. The opening, “I’m short,” delivers a clear message to the reader of the essay’s main idea.As the essay progresses, Shim reveals his personal feelings and aspirations. He gives us a window into the very moment of discovery that he would no longer beable to grow. We are taken on a tour of what makes Shim tick. Being short has shaped and influenced his outlook on the world, yet it has not diminished his goals.It is personal, yet remains positive. He recognizes both the benefits and negatives of his short stature and is able to convey them in a thoughtful manner. Furthermore, the essay not only lets us into Shim’s thoughts on being small but tells us his varied interests in politics, space exploration, sports, and the arts. Shim hasn’t just told us how his height “doesn’t limit him” he has shown us why.
📌“Pieces of Me”
The black and white composition book is faded, and the corners are bent. It doesn’t flat as many paper clips mark favorite places. Almost every sheet is covered with writing – some in bold handwriting hardly revised, others uncertainly jotted down completely marked up and rewritten. Flipping through the thin pages, I smile, remembering from careless thoughts to assassinate prose to precisely worded poems, this journal marks a year of my life as a writer.In junior year, my English teacher asked us to keep a journal for creative writing, as a release from otherwise stressful days. We were free to write on any topic we chose.From then on as often as I could, I would steal away to the old wooden rocking chair in the corner of my room and take time off to write.As I now try to answer the question of who am I for this essay, I immediately think of my journal.
I am a writer
My writing is the most intensely personal part of me. I pour my heart out into my journal and am incredibly protective of it. It’s difficult for me to handle criticism orchange rejection: I can tell he wouldn’t read it right wouldn’t let the meaning sink into him slow anddelicious it would sound awful through his careless eyes I want him to open himselfup to it and let in a piece of me I want him to know this side of me no one ever hasI want him to be the one to understand let me see he prods once more I tell myselfthis time I’ll do it I let myself go but as it passes into his rough hands I see it for thefirst time it’s awkward and wrong just like me I snatch it back from him and crumbleit it falls with hardly a noise into the trash
I am a child.
Growing up, I would always ride my bike over to the elementary school across the street and into the woods behind it. Crab apple trees scented the fall air and the winding dirt paths went on forever. I’d drop my bike at the base of a tree and climb as high as I could. All afternoon I would sit in these trees whose branches curved outa seat seemingly made just for me.One day I biked across the street to come face to face with construction trucks.Those woods are now a parking lot. I cry every time I see cars parked where my crabapple trees once stood: He allowed the sweet sadness to lingers he contemplated a world
That he knew too much about.
I am a daughter, a cousin, a great-niece.
My family is very important to me. My mother has a huge extended family and we all get together once a year for a reunion. I play with my little cousins and toss them in the air to their squealing delight. Many of my relatives are elderly, however, and I find it hard to deal with serious illness in these people I love. I am also deathly afraid of growing old and losing all sense of myself. When visiting relatives, I have to come to terms with these feelings: With the toe of my sneaker, I push at the ancient pale yellow carpet. Like all the items in the apartment, it is way past its prime. It is matted down in most places, pressed into the floor from years of people’s shoes traversing back and forth. It will never be as nice as it once was, that much is certain. At home it would be pulled up, thrown out, not tolerated in an ever-moving young family, not fitting in with all the useful, modern surroundings. But here, in this foreign, musty apartment where my great-aunt and uncle have lived so long that they seem to blend right into the faded wallpaper, the carpet is a part of the scenery. It could not be removed any more than the floor itself.
I am a friend.
I will always treasure memories of sleep-away camp and the friends I fell in love with there. Many of these people I have managed to keep in touch with, but I regret that some I have lost: But now… the weather is changing. A cold front has moved in. the picture is barely noticed. Perhaps other pictures of other memories brighter and newer hide it from view. A cool breeze steals in through the open window, and the careless wind knocks down an old picture from the bulletin board. The picture falls in slow motion, taking with it a far-off memory. It comes to rest behind the desk, lying on the floor, never to be seen again. Its absence is not even noticed.
I am an incurable romantic.
Leaving a party one night, I forgot to return the sweatshirt I had borrowed:
Touching the small hole
In the bottom corner
And the stray thread
Unraveling the sleeves lift it up
And breathe in its smell
I smile quietly
It smells like him
I am a dreamer.
I am a dreamer.I often sit in class and let my imagination take me wherever I want to go. I love to read stories of mythic Camelot or the legendary Old South, losing myself in my favorite books:
The three dimensional
Of far-off lands
And courtly kingdoms
Of passion and romance
And high seas adventures shining with vivid colors
And singing with non-stop noise
My journal from eleventh grade not only chronicles a year of my life, but it tells the story of who I am. It is the closest I can get to even beginning to answer that difficult question:
Tell them she says just tell them who you are let them know what makes you tick tick tick the clock is counting down I can’t wait to get out of here just a far more minutes smile and pretend you care to tell them who I am in 358 words double-spaced12 point font as if I even know as if I could even if I did on a single sheet of paper why I cry why I laugh why I want so badly to go to their lovely school
I guess I do know one thing about who I am.
I am a writer.
“Pieces of Me” is an admissions essay with attitude – a personal statement that takes a risk.
Like many college applicants, Pullman is interested in writing. Her essay stands apart from the pack because she doesn’t simply tell the admissions officer she likes to write. Instead, when used excerpts from her journal to show the admissionsofficer how much she loves to write, how much she depends on her writing to help her explain and understand life.
But Pullman’s decision to include creative writing – i.e. cummings style – in her personal statement is not a decision for the meek of heart or the semi-talented.Every high school senior has heard stories of college applicants who, in the quest to stand out among the hundreds of other essays an admissions officer must sort through, submitted an original screenplay, musical composition, or videotape of aninterpretive dance as their personal statement. In cases like Pullman’s where real talent show through, those risks may pay off. For others, a more conventional piece with a strong, clear thesis and well-written supporting arguments may be the better road to take.
Of course, no piece is perfect, including Pullman’s. As original as many of her journalexcerpts may be, Pullman prefaces many of them with somewhat clichй transitions which weaken the underlying premise of the piece – that Pullman’s unique writing help articulate her unique personality. Her creative writing is exciting and interesting; her more academic writing is less so.Still, “Pieces of Me” is a risky endeavor that works. Pullman succeeds, without the use of a 3-D visual aid or live performance, in making her application stand out.
📌“Who Am I?”
I wish I could write about the Michael Cho who stars in my Walter Mitty-like fantasies.If only my personal statement could consist of my name followed by such terms Olympic athlete, master chef, boy genius, universal best friend, and PrinceCharming to every hopeful woman. These claims would be, at worst, outright lies, or at best, gross hyperbole. My dreams, however, take their place alongside my memories, experiences, and genes in the palette that constitutes who I am.Who am I? I am a product of my reality and my imagination. I am innately depraved,yet I am made perfect. I plan my day with the knowledge that “Everything is meaningless” (Ecclesiastes 1:2), but I must “make the most of every opportunity”(Colossians 4:5). I search for simple answers but find only complex questions.Once, on my way to a wrestling tournament, I was so engulfed in thought over whether living in an abode which rotated near the speed of light would result in my being younger (utilizing the Theory of Relativity) and stronger (utilizing the properties of adaptation along with the definition of centripetal and gravitationalforce) that I failed to realize that I had left my wrestling shoes in my locker. My mother says that my decision to wrestle is indicative of the fact I don’t think.Through working in a nursing home, the most important lesson I’ve learned is that I have many lessons yet to learn. Thus the most valuable knowledge I pose reminds me how little knowledge I have.
Often times people make the mistake of assuming that mutually exclusive qualities bear no relationship to one another. Not so! These dichotomies continuously redefine each other. In some cases, one is totally dependent on the other’s existence.What is faith without doubt? Without one, the other does not exit. When juxtaposed, opposites create a dialectic utterly more profound and beautiful than its parts. Walt Whitman embraces this syncretism by stating, “Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes).” My qualities, though contradictory, define who I am.Although I can’t make fantastic claims about myself, I must still acknowledge and cherish the dreams that I have. Admittedly, it is tragic when one is so absorbed in a fantasy that he loses touch with reality. But it is equally tragic when one is so absorbed in reality that ho loses the ability to dream. When a healthy amount of reality and fantasy are synthesized, the synergy is such that something beautiful will undoubtedly result.
This application addresses the proverbial question of “Who Am I?” In doing so, he expresses, both implicitly and explicitly, his hobbies, extracurricular activities, and outlook on life. The writer not only reveals his participation in wrestling, work at a nursing home, and knowledge of Quantum Mechanics, but he also exposes the reader to many aspects of his personality and inner thoughts on life. His questioning of the meaning of life and evaluation of his own identity reveal an inquisitive side to his personality.
Overall, this essay is well written and easy to read. The introduction is strong in that the applicant levels with admission officer by admitting he does not consider himself to be a spectacular individual, giving the impression that what follows is written honestly. Another strong point of the essay is that it reveals many of the activities in which the writer is involved. This serves to give the admissions officer a more personalized picture of the applicant. The biblical and Walt Whitman quotations are very well used and demonstrate the strong intellect of the writer.
While the essay does provide some insight into the philosophical thoughts of the applicant, in many ways it is too theoretical. The writer could improve the essay by specifically listing the dreams or goals he cherishes or perhaps by writing in more detail about one of the many experiences he mentions in the statement. The flow of the essay is also hindered in a number of ways. First, the word choice seems slightly unnatural – almost as if the applicant relied on a thesaurus when writing the essay; as a result, the tone seems to be a bit contrived. Second, while the overall theme of self-identification is maintained throughout the essay, the individual paragraphs jump from one topic to the next in a disjointed fashion. For example, it is interesting to know that the applicant worked at a nursing home, but mentioning such does not seem to fit with the overall progression of the essay. It is important that the personal statement conveys to the admissions officer a sense of who you are and what you are like in person, but it is not necessary to cram every extracurricular activity or accomplishment into the essay; there are other sections of the application for listing such things.